In Retrospect
Well, I guess it’s a New Year again. Crazy ride to be honest because like most people would tell you, 2020 was a bad year. But to call it as simply a “bad” year is too much of an understatement to how terrible it has been not just for me, but for everyone else.
Being suddenly hit with a pandemic is as stressful as it can get. One day we were just in school finishing up an exam, the next Monday everything was suspended until further notice. And little did we know, that “until further notice” turned into 6 brutal months of oblivious isolation.
We were sitting on the school bench on that day, March 13, 2020. Finals was finished and it was only a matter of time until graduation. I think nothing can describe how excited we were to be able to climb up the stage in our togas, reaching for our diplomas. And just like that, everything faded like mist vaporizing into the skies.
From then on it was nothing short of disappointments and quite possibly regrets. Regrets when suddenly realizing I could’ve done more to make our last year as Atochans more remarkable and memorable; Regrets when realizing I could’ve done more to make quarantine a more productive avenue to work on the things I could’ve learned and practiced; Regrets when realizing I could’ve done more to not waste someone that has been my rod for a long time.
I’ve always found it cliché when I hear other people say “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory,”—Dr. Seuss, I think (?). But as always, I have to personally experience it before it makes any sense to me whatsoever. It sucks. TBH. I took things for granted in the way they were. And I could make up a thousand reasons why, but things are what they are and they became; a thousand reasons will not make the difference I imagine. “I was busy with schoolworks/projects,” “Akala ko marami pang oras,” “Akala ko makakabawi pa ako at that moment,” the list goes on and on and on. Procrastinate here, procrastinate there, procrastinate nang procrastinate until I was able to accomplish nothing, do nothing.
Oh and about that person, well, everything about that person became a memory. The kind of memory you’ll get reminded of on Google Photos (and maybe a few on Facebook Memories), but yeah, a memory. One song I listened to made the lesson clear to me: “Lose Somebody” by Kygo and OneRepublic probably related to me the most even though I first listened to it before Christmas. To quote, “Sometimes you gotta lose somebody just to find out you really love someone.” I couldn’t agree more now that I am here.
The Now
Well that goes the rant section. Now, I really don’t know yet. It’s back to being—a little bit—convoluted for me. Entering a new year is always filled with hope that something better will happen sooner or later and I think that’s the course I want to follow. 2020 showed us that the worse still came even though we were met with a lot of predictions that say 2020 was a year of fortune and good will. And with what’s currently happening to our country and the world, the end of this pandemic is yet to be seen on the horizon. Don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of people are working hard enough to develop vaccines and to rid this world of the virus. Realistically, there’s still a lot of challenges up ahead and this is not yet the time to celebrate immediately. But optimistically, I believe that one day we will be free of this sort of prison.
As for me, well I still have two months of vacation to plan and think of the things I want to do. I promise myself that I wouldn’t waste my time just like how I wasted those 6 months of quarantine for nothing but sleep. I promise myself that I will again attempt to make the most of my time for things that are meaningful. I promise myself that I will not waste it again if given another chance, or that I will not waste it if given a chance in a new way, shape, or form.
The New Year is a reminder to return to the old self for things that doesn’t need fixing and a reminder to change the old self into someone that is better than who it was.
There are countless things to look forward to. I think that it boils down to what we need the most before anything else. As for me, the important thing is to look forward in making 2021 a comeback year for myself—the version of my Self that I had the most fun with, but with adjustments of the things I learned from this year.
What do you look forward to in 2021?
Takipsilim 